You're The Hangnail In My Life, And I Can't Bite You Off *

Most women are smart enough to get out of bad relationships.  Not me.  United Airlines keeps taking, I keep giving.  I give money, miles, and more.  Let me explain.

We upgraded for our Utah trip last week.  It costs 30,000 frequent flier miles in addition to the usual economy fare price.  First class gives me room to knit, and storage space for ski boots. 

When we got to the airport in Salt Lake City (returning to Boston), the ticket agent gave us a blank stare.  Our spots in first class had been revoked, and the miles refunded to our account.  WHAT?  I politely insisted on being put back.  The airline had not communicated with us, and I was upset.  We were reinstated.

At mealtime, we discovered that all we got was the seat.  They had run out of food for us.  The flight attendant was apologetic, but clear.  "Paying" customers got first choice of meals.  I was stunned that money plus miles did not catapult me into the category of paying customer. 

An hour later, I was quietly knitting.  Mr. Etherknitter noticed the flight attendant gathering an oxygen tank and mask from the overhead compartment.  He asked her if she needed help, and identified himself as a doc.  I missed all this, until, five minutes later, he came to get me.

A passenger in economy was having chest pain.  He had a past medical history significant for major cardiac problems.  Between three seats, we started an IV, administered heart medications, took a history, checked blood pressures and heart rate, then got him moved to the back of the plane so he could lie flat.  A hanger from first class substituted as an IV pole.

The flight attendant asked the million dollar question.  Should the plane divert and land immediately?  Yes.  Mr. E landed without  a seatbelt, without a seat, sitting on the floor in the galley with the patient.  We then gave Mr. Chest Pain to the waiting ambulance. 

It is remarkable what has to be done to take off again.  The emergency medical kit has to be replenished.  (I had torn through that puppy like a bride at a dress sale at Filene's Basement.)  The plane has to be refueled.  Weights have to be recalculated.  A full report has to be filed before take-off.

And, no, of course we haven't heard from United Airlines since.  Why do you ask?

I can't imagine what I was thinking when I decided that I would knit a mile in February.  I think I succeeded in polishing off about 700 yards.  I can't imagine what I keep thinking as I buy new yarn, based on the lowly 7/17.6 achievement as noted.

I searched for mindless knitting.  Be careful what you wish for.  Chevron scarf is half done.  I have four skeins of Claudia's Handpaints (colorways Oops and Black Walnut).  Each picked up a color from the other.  I missed the clues.  The pattern said "don't start this too late, as it will take some time to knit".  Knitters on Ravelry fell just short of saying they were poking needles in their eyes during the process.  I should have been able to read between the lines.  I didn't.  The other half WILL be done when I need more mindless knitting.

I'm not sure the Noro sock will EVER be done.  Picking up the gusset stitches and then knitting them ala Grumperina was one of THE most painful endeavors I have encountered in knitting.  Imagine my rueful and agonized laugh when I finished the last stitch, and discovered I had achieved all that BEFORE turning the heel.  The row was frogged, the heel turned, and #0 needles are no picnic with this yarn.  I can knit about two rows before my hands ache.  Lack of elasticity is an understatement.  I am entertaining the idea, taking internal votes, as to whether this sock will ever have a mate.

I missed SPA, but I had GREAT snow in Utah.  I was introduced to Devastator beer by Smith and Margene, which means I got to have dinner with two of the best people on the planet. 

Life is good.  And next year, we are flying to Salt Lake on Delta.

*Hoyt Axton, title of his song on breakups

Comments

[Ellen]

You'll probably hear from United when Mr. Chest Pain sues them!

When Jack Creighton was CEO, you would have gotten a handwritten personal note.

[mary lou]

Don't you love that you are not considered a paying customer? NWA told me that once. How the hell do they think we get those frequent flier miles? And nice to know I am not the only one who has picked up for the gusset without turning the heel...

[Caroline M]

Kill the Noro sock, knitting is supposed to be fun. Rip it and promise it a future as a shawl someday.

I hope that you checked that the gentleman in economy had paid for his ticket rather than cashing in his airmiles?

[Danielle]

United might think that you are unworthy of their services, but I bet Mr. Chest Pain will be grateful, and that's what counts, right?

[Lucia]

Hate to say it, but I'm not sure Delta is that much better. Rising fuel costs + deregulation + overemphasis on price = race to the bottom of the customer-service heap.

As for the sock, I agree with the advice to rip: life is too short and too full of hassles as it is.

[Carole]

What an ordeal! Thank goodness for Mr. Chest Pain that you two were there.

[Cara]

All part of the reason I make sure to pop a Xanax before I get on a plane. Doesn't matter who's flying it!

How is Mr. Chest Pain? You guys ROCK! Are you sure you won't come down here and administer my spinal? PRETTY PLEASE?!?!

[June]

Lucky for Mr Chest Pain that you 2 were there! Holy cow.

I occasionally attend the annual staff dinner meeting, and about ~500+ of our physicians go on any given year. I keep thinking that the dinner would be a great place to have a heart attack or something. I mean, if you had to have a heart attack at all.

[Kristine]

Good for you for taking care of Mr. Chest Pain, and shame on United and all the rest of the airline companies. 'Course, that could be my fear of flying talking, but there we are.

[Wendy]

I think United should refund your fare and give you certificates for a free first class flights anywhere they fly.

I only hope that if (God forbid) I am ever on a flight and have medical issues, that you and Mr. Etherknitter will be on the same flight.

[Karen]

Please tell me Mr. Chest Pain was thankful. I haven't flown since pre 9/11 and with every airline story I hear I remember why.

[margene]

You and Mr E. are saints. It was so wonderful to spend time with you. I feel like the luckiest person on the planet. Give up the sock....sucky knitting isn't worth the effort. DO SOMETHING FUN! There is nothing wrong with giving up on bad yarn and unenjoyable patterns. In fact it's your duty to knit fun.
Oh and I KNEW it was Hoyt. I love Hoyt, too.

[Marcia Cooke]

I have to agree with Lucia about Delta. My son flies D often and has many complaints. We have NEVER had a problem with AA and absolutely adore Southwest. Worth the trip to Manchester or Providence...just saying. But at least you got there and had some snow!

[Beth S.]

You Etherknitters rock. Saving lives at 30,000 feet!

The key to happiness with United is becoming a Global Services member. My husband used to fly to Asia for business all the time, and boy were they ever good to him once he racked up enough long-haul miles to qualify... but now he's mostly flying domestically, so we're peons again. ;-)

[Carrie]

United bites big big rocks. Alas, I think we have to move to Denver so the DH can fly them more often.

[Cheryl]

Wow, what an exciting story! Very Grey's Anatomy!

[maryse]

well mr. chest pains was lucky you two were there to help him.

[Bev]

You two are heroes! Even if UA won't admit it. And, as for the Noro sock. Why waste time on something that isn't giving you enjoyment? I finally gave myself permission to throw Rogue into the frog pond. Rogue needs company! Toss that sock in there!!!!

[Martha]

Hoyt Axton! I can't believe I forgot about Hoyt Axton! Thanks for reminding me. And than you for saving that man's life, even if United can't be bothered to thank you.

[Kathy]

The Drs. E. are my heros. Two thumbs WAY down for United. Regarding the scarf, there is mindless and then mind-numbing -- sounds like it may be the later.

[Kim]

I used to love air travel. But in recent years, they've dehumanized it to the point where I hate doing it (it's not that I'm afraid, it just feels like I'm violated and have to fight for everything I need.)

[Norma]

I hope you've written this letter TO United. Not that they'd probably notice. Ugh.

[--Deb]

How does it feel to be a hero (pair). I agree with everyone else--it was lucky for Mr. Chest Pain that you were there, and I can't believe you didn't get any recognition at all from the airline. Let's just hope you don't get a bill for insisting on all that extra expense in making an extra landing!

[Teyani]

unbelievable.
such total lack of humanity and customer service makes me never want to step foot on a plane again.
I'd write an article for the Boston Globe, get it published and send a copy of it to the PR dept at United...... might get some 'attention' (seeing as how your writing style is fabulous)
and the sock... I'd be playing the funeral durge on that one..
I think that you are due for some sort of delightful fabulous engaging knit.

[Kim]

Wow, wow and double wow....how lucky for Mr. Chestpain that you were both on board!! I have to say that the quality of service on planes has really declined in the last few years :(